Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
