His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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