I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
