Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
