Nicole vs. Life
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this boner is exhausting
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have tasted many bathrooms
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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