when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
