Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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