I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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