i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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