i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
