Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
