where does the pee come out of this thing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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