bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
