She said her name was "party"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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