literally had 100 drinks last night.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
