note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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