I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize