Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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