I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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