I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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