I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
