i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
