Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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