Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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