So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
