he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
