He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
