I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
