Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
