why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
