Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
