just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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