I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
