peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
