i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
