Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
