whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
