we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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