I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
