your thong is hanging out like whoa
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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