He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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