I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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