M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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