i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
