I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
