So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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