dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
