i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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