Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
