Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
