He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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