Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
NoShamevember. You game?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
FUCK WHALES
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
