I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
