i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
