so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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