We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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