ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
