I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
