just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
