saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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