Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
