just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
