Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
