dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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