forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
