Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
