I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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