I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
